Dancer in the Dark Film Review

As promised from my previous blog, I will write a film review of the film Dancer in the Dark by Lars von Trier. We were to write a formalist critical paper about it but since I don't know how to write that way (and the lectures about how to write that way is in the library and it's Sunday today), I will just write a preview before writing the formalist critical paper. I hope this will help. I need to finish all things as soon as possible.

Image from Dancer in the Dark Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:
Dancer_in_the_Dark_movie_poster.jpg

Dancer in the Dark stars Björk as Selma Ježková. At first I doubt if it was really her, but when I heard her sing, I was able to confirm that it was indeed her. And knowing that she's the lead actress of the said film got me more hooked into watching it. Björk is one of the musicians/singers I really like listening to. Her sound is different which makes me like her more. Anyway, she is a Czechoslovakian immigrant here with her son Gene Jezek portrayed by Vladica Kostic. Other casts include Catherine Deneuve as Kathy (or sometimes Cvalda [read as /ku-al-da/]) her best friend; David Morse as Bill the policeman; Cara Seymour as Linda (the wife of Bill); Peter Stormare as Jeff -- Selma's suitor; along other casts.

Selma is a single parent who works in a factory. She is suffering a degenerative disease in the eyes and she is saving up money because this disease of hers is hereditary and she wants to save her son Gene (which will be named Novy in the end) from suffering the same disease.

Selma during her rest days (or sometimes after work? I'm not sure.) rehearses for the musical "The Sound of Music" (this is actually the start of the scene where she is found tap dancing). Selma is a big fan of the hollywood musical and she idolizes Oldrich Novy (a famous tap dancer).

Selma likes to day dream a lot. One day, while at work, she listened intensely to the sounds of the factory. It became a music to her ear and they started dancing and singing. Selma works in the factory where they make the metal part of the sink, I think.

Bill helps Selma and Gene by allowing them to rent the trailer home (Wikipedia term) and by taking care of Gene while Selma is at work. One day Bill asked Selma if she can lend (or loan) him money because his wife Linda has been overspending and there's nothing left with his inheritance. Selma refused to and felt bad because he disclosed his secret and he got nothing. To be fair, Selma also disclosed her secret, that she is going blind and that she's been saving money to save her child, Gene from experiencing the same. Bill used this and took advantage of Selma.

One time, to be able to earn double the amount of her salary, Selma tried to work for the night shift. Her condition's getting worse and worse each day and she won't tell anyone about it. She practiced using the rail to get home and senses the rails using her feet so that she'll know if she's at home already. Sometimes she practices doing things while her eyes are shut so that she'll get used to the life of being blind.

Selma arrived one day at home, almost blind by then, and she was fired from her job because she broke the machine the other day, and then she received her last salary (the scene when she was fired from work made my tears fall). After that, when she was about to place the money in the tin can which she uses as her hiding place, she found that her savings were gone. This broke my heart as well even though I anticipated that scene coming already.

When she was about to report this to Bill, who as mentioned earlier is a police and who just lives in the house beside them, she found Linda there. She was furious for she was accusing them of having an affair. Selma was looking for Bill to report the incident of stealing that happened and Linda said that he had just arrived from the bank, counting all the savings he has. Selma knew from the previous conversation that Bill was running out of money and this made her suspect that it was he who stole the money.

Selma found Bill upstairs. The money was there. She talked with Bill and said she needs the money back. Bill won't give it back and assumed it was his money. Selma will still get the money from him. When she was about to leave, Bill pointed the gun to her saying he will shoot her. Selma said she doesn't see any gun as if mocking him. Bill came closer to her to make her feel the gun. They took the gun away from each other and Bill accidentally shot his self. Selma got hold of the gun while Bill got hold of the money. Selma was provoked to shoot Bill because he won't give back her money. He said that if she really wants the money back, she should kill him first. She shot him, missed some, but was able to hit some directly to his body. Although he has a lot of gunshots in the body and is very weak now, he still did not let go of the pouch which contains the money. Selma found the deposit box placed over the table and used it to beat the head of Bill brutally until he let go of the money. Selma was left there crying.

After that, Selma deposited the money to the hospital which will do the operation for Gene. Jeff helped her by giving her a ride. When they were in the woods already, Selma threw the evidences like the pouch where the money was placed and her cardigan splatted with blood.

When Selma came back Jeff asked if she will not attend rehearsals. Selma answered that she will attend. Selma, during her short stay in the rehearsals and with people looking suspiciously at them already (Jeff has no idea of what happened), felt the need to leave and find Gene for they haven't seen each other that day yet. Their director in the musical pushed that she stay and not leave just yet. The director called the police already the time they arrived at the rehearsal venue. It turned out the news of the killing spread that fast.

Selma was arrested while rehearsing (this part became vague for me because the movie hung. There seem to be a problem with the CD of the AV library). She was forced to rehearse although she has difficulty seeing by that time. She was arrested and the next scene was she was being tried in the court. She kept her promise not to spill what she and Bill talked about before because they said it's their secret (I forgot to mention at the start that Selma is manifesting some weird behavior. I think she has some mental disorder). Selma lied that she keeps/saves her money so that she can send it to her father somewhere. She did not want people to learn that she's been saving so that she can let her son undergo an eye operation. When they asked what her father's name is, she said it's Oldrich Novy. When Novy was called in the court, he denies any claims that he is Selma's father. While hearing the scratching of the pencils of some people who do the sketches in the court, Selma imagined they were doing a musical dance number again. After the musical number, the verdict was announced and she was found guilty with the penalty of death by hanging.

Selma was left with few days before here execution. Kathy would regularly visit her. Jeff would found out about Selma's plan for Gene to undergo the operation. They would use this so that Selma's case can be turned upside down. But Kathy would use the money which Selma deposited to the hospital where Gene's operation will be conducted. She will become hysterical and she would furiously demand that the money be used for Gene's operation and that he be called Novy afterwards.

Selma was shut in her cell where she is alone and she can't hear anything. This made her sad because sound helps her day dream and it frustrated her so hard that she can't hear anything. This scene was too painful too. The female prison guard who guards her happened to become her friend also because the prison guard knows that Selma is not a bad person. It touched my heart when they discussed them both having child/children. Selma told the prison guard to say to her child that she said hi. This touched the heart of the prison guard.

Another heartbreaking scene was when Jeff (the ever consistent but shy suitor) visited her. It broke my heart when Selma told Jeff to come to the day of her execution if he thinks it will be a lovely scene to see. Jeff cried really hard and I also found myself crying.

Selma did not want her to be seen by Gene. By this time, Gene was not shown anymore in any latter scenes in the film.

Selma's day of execution arrived. She was brought to another cell where she waited for the time to come. Food was served to her but she did not dare touch it. She was just there lying in bed as if counting with her hands moving in some unintelligible manner. When she was finally called to come, she cannot stand up. Her knees weakened because of the extreme fear she's feeling. Her prison guard friend helped her stand up by making loud footsteps (Selma experienced deafening silence for the past few days of her stay in prison). She sang again another song after hearing the prison guard's loud footsteps. She sang the final 107 step song to the fellow inmates (who according to Wikipedia are people to be executed also a.k.a. people at deathrow).


When the time came that she was about to be hung, she became hysterical again. She was about to be placed to a board where her movements will be controlled and she can be executed successfully but her female prison guard friend helped her not be place on that board. They covered  Selma with a black, thick cloth and she screamed, shouting for Gene's name. Although illegal, Kathy (Cvalda) went up to tell her that Gene was okay, that his operation was successful and there was nothing to worry about. The executioner phoned those in authority for the legality of what they will do (removing Selma's black cloth over her face). While waiting for the return call, Selma sang again yet another song. When the phone rang and the decision was approved, they pulled the lever and Selma was hung and sent to her death. Her song was cut and a phrase appeared in the screen saying  "They say it's the last song/They don't know us, you see/It's only the last song/If we let it be." (Dancer in the Dark, n.d.).

I found myself crying really hard because of this film. I did not expect it to be so heartbreaking, sorrowful and tragic. Although it made me feel that way, I really really liked the film, I strongly recommend that people (especially film enthusiasts) watch it.

Reference:

Dancer in the Dark (n.d.). Retrieved October 17, 2011 from the Dancer in the Dark Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dancer_in_the_Dark

Prologue

Last Thursday night before I left for our Comm Res 165's overnight, I cried because I thought my ate did not give me enough money. I'm already struggling with how to budget my money and how I will pay everything. I borrowed money from the org and my ate hasn't paid the 100 pesos she borrowed from me yet. I don't know why she keeps on being insensitive. As if she did not experience this. As if she did not undergo UP hell week.

Anyway, the next day I went to school for the false knowledge that it was our exam on the 14th (Friday). I found out it was still scheduled next Tuesday on the 18th. I saw the post of our prof on the bulletin board of the ground floor of the CBA building. After knowing this, I slept a little in the CBA library. This was around 1PM. When I woke at past 2PM, I went to CMC to watch Dancer in the Dark. Our final film in Film 100 where we will base our final paper. I cried many times during the film. I promised to write a film review about it so let this serve as the prologue of the film review. Here it goes.

Tinola

I just finished lunch. I ate tinola with a little coke on the side. I'm going to buy more coke after writing this. Perhaps in Poleng/Helen because they have 12 ounce coke and they sell it really cold!

Anyhow, I don't really like tinola. It's one of the viand I less like eating. When I eat tinola I just think of Jose Rizal. It's his favorite food (viand). And by thinking that way, I am able to eat and enjoy tinola. I wonder what the original tinola during Rizal's time taste like? Is it really that good that he included it in his novels?

Maybe we'll just really have to find ways to like the things we hate (or like less) so that we can enjoy it and accept it.

I'm going to finish the Epañol Once script now. Tomorrow's the presentation. But I'm going to buy coke first.

I always write negativities in life.

I always right negativities in life.

Happy Birthday Justice!

Today is Justice's 22nd birthday and for that, I will write a short blog about her.

Justice is the girl who captured the hearts of many of my boy classmates (most belonging to my circle of friends like Arnel, Lud, et cetera) in high school. Unfortunately, I'm one of the victimized one. But I don't regret being victimized (or hypnotized) by her poison ivy charm.

I'll describe to you how she looks like. She's not pretty. She's cute. Her braces makes her more cute. It makes her look like she's rich. She doesn't even have a white complexion (one of the strongest criterion I look for girls), but her skin is fine. She's not chubby either (which is also one of my criterion), in fact she's thin. Not sexy.

I don't know why the boys in our class liked her. I'm sure kids from other sections got a crush on her too when we were in high school. There's a certain charm in her which like a perfume or a sexual pheromone that she naturally exudes.

I don't know if it's love potion (gayuma) or what but up until now, I still like her. Well, according to a good friend, love will not evaporate in thin air like bubbles. It's just there unless you find someone else to refocus or divert that love feeling.

So there, that's a short description a.k.a. story about her. Here's my message for her:

Hi Justice! Kumusta ka? Sana magkita tayo ulit. Di ko alam kung liligawan kita ulit pag nagkita tayo. Pagdasal mo na lang na wag tayo magkita kasi hahabulin kita. Haha. Minsan iniimagine ko makakasalubong kita sa Parola habang naglalakad galing sa Mercury Drug. Hanggang pangarap na lang yun syempre. Ingat ka dyan kung nasaan ka man. Sana break na kayo ng boyfriend mong pasista.

12:43AM

I was reading stuff about Haruki Murakami and his inspirations in writing when I saw a note about hibakushas. They are survivors of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings who suffered severely because of the extreme wounds they got after and the adverse effects of radiation to their health. The thought just saddened me and the pictures of the victims in the Wikipedia article I was reading depressed me more. There’s this one person who survived both bombings. According to the account of the story, he was on a tour when he went to Hiroshima when the bombs were dropped. He survived. On August 8, he went back to his hometown in Nagasaki and that was the day before the second (set of) bombs were dropped. He survived it again. However, he died at the age of 93 because of stomach cancer (note: according to the Wikipedia article. I got lazy using proper citation).

Haruki Murakami is my favorite author. He uses magical realism (just like Gabriel Garcia-Marquez) and surrealistic type of writing in his works (I’m basing this on how Wikipedia discussed his techniques and writings). He also talks themes of personal loss, emptiness, untold stories of war (such as what happened in Manchuria or Manchukuo), detachment from society, student movement, sex, et cetera et cetera (My personal perception based on reading some of his novels and with the support of the Wikipedia article about him).

This is kind of ironic for me because I’d like to believe that I’m the happy type of person who opposes all of these. Well, sometimes I’d really like to be detached from the society but most of the time I’d like to be happy. When I read and finish his novels I can’t help but feel sad in the end and ponder about the characters in the story and about my life.

Sorry if I suddenly feel like writing a blog about him. It just caught my attention that he started writing when he was 29 years old. His first novel was Hear the Wind Sing which unfortunately, I will not be able to read because it was not mass-produced outside Japan like his other works. After being published in English by some Japanese-publishing company early in the 1980s, they suddenly decided not to publish it anymore. Too bad for a fan like me who wonder what Murakami’s style of writing before was. Well, I was able to read A Wild Sheep Chase which is part of “The Rat Trilogy”. A Wild Sheep Chase followed Pinball, 1973 and then Pinball,1973 followed Hear the Wind Sing (which is the first book as I mentioned). I don’t know if by the age of 29 I can write my first novel also. I’m 22 right now and I’m nearing that age.

Well, what I really want to talk about is the effect of Murakami’s novels to me. Sometimes, it makes me feel like I am the characters in the story. Like Toru Watanabe for instance (although I did not experience casual sex or having a bestfriend die because he committed suicide) or Toru Okada (and I did not experience losing a wife, falling in a well or astral traveling either). Murakami’s novels make me feel sad after reading them and it’s consistently like that. This makes me think that Japanese people are really the sad type of persons. Inside them is a deep emptiness. I can’t prove this theory yet but as I’ve read in his books and as I’ve watched from some of the Japanese films and TV series, it appears like that.

I have a brother who is Japanese. He is my sister’s boyfriend actually that’s why we treat him as an elder brother. A “kuya”. He is different from the Japanese people depicted in the (Murakami) books I’ve read and Japanese films and TV series I’ve watched. Maybe you can’t really generalize after all based on what you’ve just read or watched. These are just secondary sources. It is still different when you experience what you want to observe first hand.

I don’t know what the path of this blog will go. A while ago I was just discussing about hibakushas and now I’m talking about how to arrive at generalizations.

Anyway, I just want to say that I’m a frustrated writer. I want to write and write. I keep on mentioning this even in my previous blogs. Just like Sumire of Sputnik Sweetheart, sometimes I want to drop out of school and start a career in writing. But of course I can’t do that because we’re not that well-off in life and that means I would have to work to support that career.

It’s fun when the letters, the words, the sentences, the paragraphs continuously appear on screen. Seriously, right now, I don’t care who reads this and what other people would say about my writing. I’m just letting this go on until I can hold and until my mind goes blank.

I’ve wrote it this long and I still haven’t saved this. My internet got disconnected and I’m writing again using MS Word 2010 which auto-corrects grammar.

I can’t write that well in Filipino. This is not to say that I’m so good in English. It’s just that, when I try to write in Filipino, it will either be written in pure Filipino but the content is horrible or it will be written in Taglish but the content is better. And I don’t want to write in either of those ways.

I’m afraid of the dark, actually. An hour ago, while reading stuff about Murakami there are thoughts in my head like someone will just slash my throat. This happens to me a lot of times. I feel it again right now. The feeling that somebody will just attack me and slash my throat. My neck feels uncomfortable again.

I don’t know if I’m going to post this. This is a juxtaposition of all that I wanted to write straight from my head. I don’t know if I’m going to edit this once I’m done writing and reading this all over.

I’m so lazy to do anything but write!

After watching Submarine

I want to write but I can't think of anything smart to write about.

I just finished Submarine. I've been told by Lala to watch it a long time ago but I always lack time to do so. Anyway, it was cool. I liked it. I didn't understand some of the conversations though because the language was British English.

But I liked the totality of it. I also liked the songs used. Very saddening it makes you stop and think about life.

Yesterday, my orgmates asked we go out and I joined them. I was with Pam, April, Chelly, Venice and K. It was Ven who invited us to have a few drinks. Although I don't have money I still joined. For the sake of drinking an alcoholic drink and to save Friday night I went with them. In the end it was Pam who bought me beer. I should pay her next week.

Before that, we were in CMC in our org tambayan under the skywalk. We were having a little conversation when April started it again. She's ranting about not having a new boyfriend and asking why no one gets attracted to her. Chelly butted in and said, "ayan o, si Tero" and April responded that what we have was platonic love and not consummate love. I was not hurt by this because I didn't know what platonic love means. I found what it means later. Hahaha. Stupid me. Well anyway, it's a good thing that Chelly butted it in. At least now, I know how she feels about me. I'm not discouraged right now. I think I still need to confess to her what I really feel and see what her response will be.

Right now, I'm thinking of random thoughts to write about. I need to read the first draft of our paper in Comm Res 165. They (my blockmates) are in Jollibee Katipunan right now editing and improving the paper. I decided not to join them and come tomorrow (actually later) because I'll just be stuck there doing nothing, looking plainly in space, just like the same. A social loaf. I won't be productive if I went there and I can't bring my laptop with me because I can't fold it. As if I'm being productive right now. I'm just updating my blog and expressing myself and exercising my writing skills again as if it improved already.

Yeah, basically that's it.

Ray and I were able to talk again with each other through text. She said she's uploaded new blog entries. When I checked it, they were still the same! I've read those a long time ago. Yeah, okay this may sound I'm bragging and that I'm able to update. But, yeah, I know that's what you're thinking. Crap.

I'm so lazy to do anything but do this! I don't want to read our paper or write the script. I promised yesterday that I'll start with the Span 11 script but I'm just so lazy I want to sleep!

bible studying

I'm really sleepy now. I decided last night to write a blog but when I got access with the internet, I decided to do it later. I was in the middle of my bible studying at around 4AM when my father woke up. I was interrupted.

Damn, I was on the climax of the bible study.

Right now I'm thinking of ways on how I can hide the laptop and save the tabs I opened so that I can go on with my bible studying.

Patungkol sa Wika

Dumating ako sa bahay kagabi ng mga alas siete o alas otso. Naabutan ko pa ang balita. Pinapalabas si Lito Lapid, pero hindi dahil sa bago niyang proyekto a.k.a. pelikula kundi tungkol sa panig niya tungkol sa pagpasa ng Reproductive Health (RH) Bill.

Kontrobersyal si Lito Lapid bilang tulad nila Bong Revilla, Jinggoy Estrada at kung sinu-sino pang action star-turned politician o artista-turned politician, isa din siya. Pero mas kontrobersyal at mas kinikritiko siya dahil senador siya pero hindi siya marunong mag-ingles. Ito kasi ang premyo na natatamasa natin dahil sa demokrasya. Kahit sino pwedeng tumakbo sa posisyon kahit hindi edukado o hindi kasing husay ng iba niyang kakumpetensya basta nasa akmang edad.

Pero ano naman kung hindi siya marunong mag-ingles? Di ba dapat mag-tagalog lahat ng nasa kongreso (mababang kapulungan  a.k.a. kongreso ulit at mataas na kapulungan a.k.a. senado)? Bakit hindi tayo managalog lahat? Bakit hindi natin isulat ang konstitusyon ng Pilipinas sa Filipino? Ano 'to, tinatamad lang ba tayo? Masyado tayong umaasa sa wikang English. Kaya di tayo umuunlad e. Alam ko karamihan ng aking mga isinusulat dito ay sa wikang nabanggit pero mas kumportable kasi ako ipahayag ang damdamin ko sa wikang iyon e. Hindi naman ibig sabihin noon na "trying hard" ako sa pagmamahal sa sarili nating wika o mas pinapaboran ko ang wikang kolonyal (oo, kolonyal yun!).

Pero sana katulad tayo ng ibang bansa sa Asya tulad ng Korea at Japan na nahasa munang mabuti ang paggamit ng sarili nilang wika para maging maunlad din tayo tulad nila. Natutunan ko ito sa Lingg 1 e.

Kung mas natutunan natin lahat ng bagay sa sarili nating wika, hindi yung halo (Taglish, Enggalog, etc.), siguro mas matatalino tayo.

Ayon sa isang kahulugan na natutunan ko mula sa dati kong propesor sa Adamson, ang wika ay "isang "social vehicle" na ginagamit sa komunikasyon.

Siguro problema pa rin ang namumuong tunggalian sa pagitan ng wikang Cebuano at Tagalog kaya problemado tayo. Di naman iba sa atin na kahawig lang ng Tagalog and Filipino bukod sa katangian nito tulad ng panghihiram at pagkupkop ng mga wikang banyaga (mas maraming English)

On Murphy's Law

Our BA 101 report was a failure. We came unprepared. As always, I just wanted to get over it. I didn't even strive hard for it to be an awesome report. Mediocrity. But I'm not always like this. Maybe Dakki (our group leader) and Jan Erl (or Angelo as he wanted to be called) overthought our problem. We did not consider that we're on the leadership chapter already. We did not frame our problem in a leadership point of view. Plus, our communication model was also a failure. I'm the one who designed it. A miscommunication among us happened. I did not know that we're NOT sticking to the restructuring of the organizational structure of our case. I was humiliated because I should be the one who should be the expert on this. But I was not able to answer the questions of our classmates since I designed the communication model in a different mind set (i.e. the organizational structure restructured). Also, the communication model lacks legend according to our prof and that's why she's misguided.

I assumed. We don't put legend in our communication models/framework when we write it in our papers in mass comm. It came to me that I should be the one adjusting and not pushing that mass comm (or communication in general) should dominate business administration. I forgot that I'm the alien student and should be the one adjusting to the discipline of business administration.

But I like how Dakki messaged me in facebook. He was apologizing for the attitude he showed after our report. He said he was sorry and that he shouldn't have behaved that way. I see myself in him. I'm the one who apologized at him right after our report. Maybe we have the same personality.

Moving on... Vaughn our FA groupmate was able to pull off our STS report. Me and Lea will have to lead the writing of the research paper. I'm satisfied with how Vaughn picked and delivered the report since most of the groups dealt with social and political issues in the university which is a bit hardcore for me for such a very light class like STS.

Anyway, there you go. I have another report later at 9:00AM and I don't know if we can pull it off. I should've not accepted the transcription. I was not able to finish it due to the two reports I had yesterday. I was not able to prioritize it. Plus the audio quality sucks so hard. I lost my ipod which I originally use as my recorder. It records voices better. Okay, but what sucks harder is the pronunciation of our interviewee. Why is she eating the words she's saying? Fuck it. Fuck her pronunciation of words.

for a very special friend

Okay, I'm dealing with trivial problems like which girl to pursue, to court, or to make mine while others deal with serious problems with their family. I'm hardened and saddened at the same time.

I know that you know who I'm talking about.

Wherever you are my dear friend keep safe. If you want a yosi buddy or a beer-mate, give me a call or send me a text.

And I still can't get over...

And I still can't get over. Georgie Girl (according to Nathan's disclosure of her secret) said she likes my body. I like her body too. She's sexy. I'd like to think and to believe that she is. Not the sexy that will excite sexual libidos and shit in me (partly yes, maybe), but sexy literally with the nice figure and curve, and sexy because of the oozing confidence she has. And she's pretty. For me she is. Okay enough of that.

The reason why I have a sort of "post blog" of the earlier blog is because Georgie Girl likes me (because of my thin body) or likes my thin body. I don't know. Does that mean I'm a hipon? Oh crap.

Kilig Fever with Georgie Girl

The reason why I posted my two other blog entries (the Beatlemania article and my blog entries for Theater 12) is because I don't want to write again for this week. Next week will be my hell week. On Tuesday, I have two reports. One in STS at 1:00-2:30 (although I'm not sure if I'll be one of those who will report. I can just write the paper) and one in BA 101 at 2:30-4:00. On Wednesday morning however, is the final presentation/report and submission of our paper at the same time of our topic in Comm Res 197. I'm going to be a dead meat soon. As for my other subjects, I don't know. With Comm Res 165, I'm done with my part in data gathering. I just need to help with marketing, exhibit design and data analysis. I should also start writing the script with Direk Rachel. In my Film 100, I just need to finish ALL the readings (Why on earth can't I finish these fucking readings?). In Span 11, we'll just have more lectures next week then final exam and presentation (a dialogue in Spanish with props prepared and script memorized). For Samaskom, I just need to complete the missing collaterals. And that's it! Yep, it looks few but men, it's a lot of hardwork to accomplish all.

Anyway, let's go back to the real reason why I'm blogging tonight.

I can't help thinking of what I heard from Nathan last week.

We went to Area 2 in UP to eat lunch last Thursday. I was with Papilord Marc, Janyn Bereims, Dhadi, Claire, Nathan and Georgie Girl (Ja). They ate some takuyaki, burger, and bought softdrinks while I ate quickly at LB (Lutong Bahay). I don't have much money so I need to eat at affordable eateries. Haha. Anyway, after I finished eating, I went back to where they were eating their takuyaki and burger. I bought some cigarettes from Ate Nancy's store and smoked. I waited for them to finish.

Then, a few moments after, an afam a.k.a. 110-volts a.k.a. foreigner passed by and I said: "uy, 110-volts!".
My orgmates looked at the guy and then Georgie Girl said that she adores (I don't know if this is the correct word to use) guys with that type of body. Thin, not muscular and like that of a model. And then suddenly, Nathan started to speak and teased Georgie Girl Ja. He said something like: "eto o, si Tero, payat." and "di ba crush mo si Tero dati? Aminin mo, sinabi mo yun sakin dati". I blushed.

I didn't know what to say and I pointed to Papilord and said: "hindi ito si Papilord yung ano", I stuttered. Until when we got in the car, Nathan was teasing us. He was asking Georgie Girl to sit beside me. I'm "kinikilig" already that time but I cannot be obvious.

Until that day finished, I felt my head became big. I was too proud and confident. I told this story to Pam. I was too overwhelmed, too flattered I can't get over the thought. To tell you honestly, I find Georgie Girl really attractive. She's not very pretty but you know she's "crushable". If there's such term. She has a strong X factor or "malakas ang dating" as I would like to call it and that for me is what matters. Add up to that, she's kind, nice, pleasant. Mabait. She may be coño at times but she's not the type of coño you'll get irritated with. And to know that she also has a crush on me is really a compliment. Although I'm not sure if it was true. She did not deny nor gave a violent reaction about it. She just laughed and fell shy and did not look at me.

Anyway, I can't assume, I know, but still I can't get over the thought of it. I'm imagining silly thoughts right now (actually for the past few days) like, how about courting her? But thinking of the consequences as well. Of course I can't do that. I can feel Papilord still has a strong crush on Georgie Girl. His original reason why he wanted to join Samaskom is because of Georgie Girl. I can't court her just like that. He will get hurt for sure. And April will call me "sulutero" again. And I'm still pursuing April right now (secretly though).

I consulted this with Chelly and Boss Raisa the other day and I just got negative feedbacks. Negative because it's not the type of advices I would like to hear or know. They might be right. But they might be wrong as well.

I got irritated with Chelly by the way because she confirmed this story with Papilord as if not believing in my account. I don't know what her motives were for confirming it from Papilord but I was hiding it from him. Chelly can't ask him that!

They said I should not pursue the idea because it will just complicate things. They said that it's hard to have a relationship with someone you're in the same org with. I pondered about this just now and thought: isn't Chelly being hypocritical here?

Chelly added that people (particularly orgmates) will just criticize us and will just pry in our business. I thought if you will keep it to yourself and do not pay attention to what others would say or think, it can go on smoothly.

Also, according to them, the girls I wanted to pursue are impossible to achieve. First, it was Claire, who according to them likes the attention you will give her but won't reciprocate it. Next, it was Alex who is "pihikan" and who you'll have a hard time to court. But I don't even have a serious crush on her! It's just a happy crush, not the type I'd like to pursue. Next, it was April. Their opinion was divided. For Boss Raisa, it was okay because we are of the same wave length and we have a lot of similarities, and for Chelly I think it was still a "no" because of the factor that we are orgmates. I can't recall now. One of the reasons why I joined Samaskom is because there are a lot of cute, pretty, and hot girls here and I can "beso" them whenever I see them. When I mentioned "what if I court Georgie Girl?", they just said that she's a hard target and that it will be difficult and complicated. Well, I like challenges. I like difficult, complicated and chaotic situations (I don't know if I'm serious about this. I'm being "salawahan". Just ask me what it means when we see each other).

Anyway, the bottomline here is: you can ask for advice from your friends but not listen to them all the time or to not seek advice from them at all because you won't just like what you will hear.

There, resolved. At least I was able to express this.