I'm no good

I was speaking with my Nanay earlier. I was asking her a few things about myself when I was still a kid like what time I was born, why I don't have pictures when I was an infant and stuff like that.

She told me that she had a hard time delivering me to birth that it took until evening before I was out and welcomed to this world. According to her I was a big baby. I weighed 9 lbs.

When I was in kindergarten she told me that I was really smart and good at school. She will take me to my kindergarten school and pick me up also after class dismissal. When I get home, I automatically open my bag, bring out my notebook, pencil, books etc. and start reading and studying our lessons. I don't have a clear memory of this though. I was the second honor in our class. I was supposed to be the first honor but I had to be absent from school for one week because my grandmother in Mindoro (my mother's mother) died.

Nanay told me I was really doing well at school. I told her that I was not good and that I was lazy when I was in elementary but she said I was consistently in section 1. According to her, I was even smarter than my Ate but I believe it's the other way. It's Ate who's more smart. Nanay defended me and said Ate was just more focused than I. She was telling me that I just got engaged to "barkadas" that's why I was not able to focus at school. I was comparing my Ate passing the UPCAT (University of the Philippines College Admission Test) and me not.

I was fascinated to hear these stories. I have confidence in myself but I just see myself as an average student. I'm not as smart as other people might think. Well, I'm dwelling with this because especial people around me like the one I love right now told me that. That I'm smart. I just laughed at the compliment. I wish I really am (or I really was). I wanted to be good at math and science.